Selfing in Yoga


Today in yoga class, my body was having many problems.  The left back of the knee was acting up, the left psoas and iliacus were hurting, and the muscles just felt weak all around even though it was a level 1-2.  It wasn't long before I started selfing about it all.  My left leg used to be not like this, how can I fix it?  Oh, those damn iliacus and transversus abdominis!  Fuck, I'm only 35 and already I get exhausted by a simple 1-2 class?  It went on for the better half of the class.  Without realizing it, simultaneously the black brain cloud of suffering had rolled in.  It wasn't until I began my drive home that I recognized the vast difference of before and after yoga class.  It wasn't pretty.  I had gone from feeling mentally bright and happy to feeling diminished, oppressed and disempowered.  Huh!  Yoga's not supposed to do that!   What the hell is going on here?  And then it hit me – I had been selfing for the last hour in a particularly nasty way.  Of course, with selfing comes misery.  Fortunately G.I. Joe was right, knowing really is half the battle.  It was time for a quick session of non-selfing.  It was so straight forward that I began right away and finished before I went through 2 traffic lights. 


The investigation went something like the following.  Looking back, my iliacus was hurting.  Whose iliacus?  Oh, there's nobody to own it, it's just there and feels like it feels at any given time due to whatever conditions exist.  The dark brain cloud split, letting a beam of light through.  Looking back, I wanted to feel better, stronger.  Who wanted to feel something different?  Oh, there's no singular master here to deny some feelings and grant others, the feelings arise on their own with the same validity as any and every other unit of mass or energy that exists.  The oppressive and diminishing pall cast by the brain cloud started to evaporate.  Looking back, the conditions of the present moment were inadequate, happiness and freedom were missing and something awful was in their place.  Was there someone separate from the raw physical phenomena, yet somehow solid and capable of objecting to reality?  Hell no!  Ah, there was the sky again, the clouds had vanished.  And finally, looking back, how had the delusion of a self crept to the forefront of thought consciousness, thereby creating all this madness?  There's an answer for this too, but it's not important.  All done, de-selfed, case closed... until next time.


So far, seeing non-self in the moment leaves no surface for suffering to accumulate, while remembering non-self after the fact eradicates whatever suffering has arisen in the meantime.  This practice is awesome, it's unsurpassed!  It really, truly works.  Now, what was that shit about chakras and energy channels?